I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
