There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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