sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
