I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
