What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
