I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
