I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
