Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
