I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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