May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
