I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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