I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
