dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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