Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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