she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just invented taco cereal.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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