He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
