Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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