i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
