Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
