i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
