Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
