Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
did i just pee glitter
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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