So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
