So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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