there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
