smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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