and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
