Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
