she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
