You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
