yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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