People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Someone shattered a urinal.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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