sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
