But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
We got so high we made milksteak
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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