Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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