my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
