I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
