I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
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