I didn't shave. On purpose
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Randomize
