dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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