Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
foreskin is a definite game changer
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
