The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
