i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
