mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
