Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think your dad took our porno
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
