I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
