He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
