yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
