sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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