The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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