My room smells like vodka and shame
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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