Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
