Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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